SO!!! I start my sentences with So a lot I’ve noticed.
This week I realised something … I'm so friggen happy. In January we was all taken into a meeting , a last minute meeting hours away from home for the whole company, when we arrived and seen HR present we knew it wasn’t going to be good .Once we was told there was going to be redundancies and faced with a good few hour drive home panic did set in .
How was we going to survive, how would I get a new job that was going to fit around my son, his assessments hospital appointments, education meetings. Was I going to have to start paying daily for after school care and breakfast club, because no other job was going to be so flexible , am I going to be away from him for longer each day, I felt lucky when I got a job on my doorstep .. I mean not literally, although that would be nice right, scrap that, winter would be a nightmare sat on the step working in the rain.
I had the perfect job as far as I could see, I could start work at home before the school run , I could be at work within 5 minutes of dropping him off , if I needed to attend an appointment or meeting I was in control of my day and could work around it .
It meant on a general day I was home with my boy by 4pm. I had a car, private medical care, a good wage coming in ... what more could I ask for right ?? apart from Channing Tatum. which I put in an email as a suggestion to HR many times and not once did they even bother replying.
I made the decision once I knew I was leaving I wouldn’t panic and would take time out of a full-time job to pursue self-employment, if this failed, I’d go back to work the end of the year.
This week I realised that the ideal about my job I had was so not true, my job was far from perfect, I was constantly stressed, and I might have been at home but in my head, I was always working. I would be dreaming of IQOS in my sleep and wake up with anxiety not wanting to leave my bed as I had so much pressure to achieve every day.
I wake up now and I am happier than ever , I actually get up way earlier than I ever did to go to work, I work more hours every day on my businesses, but you know what I’m never stressed , because when your busy doing something you love that stress becomes passion.
I’m home and present more , I used to be like a headless chicken running round barking demands at my little ray of sunshine ( I mean to be fair I wouldn't have had to bark them if he’d just put the goddamn sock on the first time I asked) trying to get us out the house in time , I’d be home by 4 but I would be answering emails and stressing about tomorrows target . Ive made amazing friends I’d have never have met through blogging , something I never had the time to fit in when I was working.
Me losing my job has had an effect on the house as a whole , and not in the negative way I was thinking , I mean I can be dramatic and at one point my child asked for a 49p drink , and I all but screamed at him that we couldn’t afford a drink we was poor now and just haven’t got money to be throwing around to stop you being dehydrated!!
I am happier, my son's behaviour has changed, because I have the time, the patience and the headspace to work with him instead of setting expecatations of him that where just way beyond what he could comprehend.
I suppose sometimes in life we hit road bumps , I thought by 30 I’d have it all sorted , I'd be the adultiest adult to ever live , I’d be like Mary Poppins , if she had a kick ass career and her own house, my husband ( yes id have one ) would be the perfect gentleman and read the paper on a Sunday, and life would just be ….Easy !!
but that isn’t how it goes , and we shouldn’t be harsh if we aren’t were we thought we would be at 30, I mean come on I made the plans when I was 5 with my Nan's net's round my head getting married to that kid with a permanent snotty nose from up the street ( if you don’t know what nets are your obv nowhere near 30 and you should chill out and enjoy being 20 .. like look at your hot body and boobs that just stay right where they are every day)
I may work more hours, I may have to now pay for my own car and insurance (have you seen the price of car insurance, I now drive like a snail everywhere, instead of using my car like a £30,000 dodgem) ... I have to wait like everyone else in the NHS for an appointment … but you know what it’s all on my own terms … WE ARE HAPPY! the happiest we have ever been … so thank you Philip Morris for changing my life. and helping me do what I love EVERY Single day.