This world of Secret Rules - living with ASD.

This weekend , I shared some videos of my boy at his first boxing lesson and I was so proud . For some parents this may be just something really average , although I wouldn't know , but to us it a major achievement .

Attending anything like this with Carter fills me and him with anxiety , there are so many what if’s , and I’m totally out of control , I can't decide what other people are in attendance , the sound levels , the understanding of those around him , I can't control what and if he will understand what is being said, I for sure can't control other people smells , so it's just a big ball of unknown and this isn’t easy for either of us.

Carter is currently awaiting assessment for ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder ) and ADHD, as I have mentioned before, this makes the world around him duantig , for both of us really it's a constant battle. I’m trying to guide him through a world, where we have to pick up on hidden signals to act appropriately , where we contradict ourselves on a daily basis , and people never really say what they mean and use words that don't make any sense.

His world is black and white , no ambiguity and if he thinks or feels something he will say it , much to my often embarrassment. Carter has zero qualms at announcing at my friends house that he is bored and wants to leave, neither does he care very much if he points out your wrinkles , your bad breath or your messy hair . 

Carter would appreciate so much more if we were more like him and just said what we felt, instead of him having to constantly make sense of our riddles. His little brain has to work twice as hard as anyone else’s to get through the simplest of days 

If there genuinely is no cats and dogs falling from the sky, why would you say so , and if you want to tell me it's raining just say it's raining , neither do I  appreciate being told it's raining heavy .. can you be more specific? how heavy the rain is ? like do we need stronger umbrellas , can the roof take it ? should i be worried?

I’m always told not to lie , yet I'm  told off for saying someone smells funny, or telling that adorable Granny she is old and probably going to die soon .. make your mind up.

People tell me off for not doing things they didn't even tell me to do.  My Mum told me there was toothpaste on my tooth brush, and then yelled at me for not brushing my teeth, when she didn't even tell me to.

People will shout out instructions and then get annoyed when I haven't followed them , I mean no one said my name, how was I meant to know they wanted me to do it?

People shout random things A LOT actually  … they shout the time out “IT’S 8.45” … which is really great they are sharing , but then why am I being told off for not getting ready to leave?

People are always telling me I can't do things that I have just done … and even when I do it again to show them I can they seem to get annoyed. Dont tell me I cant swear at people .. did you not hear me call my cousin “ a dumb a**” 

If I go in fridge to get a snack , im told im being rude ? but I’m hungry and how else will I know what there is to eat? What difference does it make if i don't know this person I’m still hungry , Why can I go in the fridge in some peoples houses but not others .. and how the hell am I meant to know the difference.

Why am I allowed to be naked at home , but I get told im being rude if I get naked at school.

The kid on the tv was drinking milk from boobs , so why was everyone so angry when I asked my teacher to taste hers ?

I wonder why at the end of the day, Carter is so exhausted and frustrated, why his temper is at a short fuse , and why some days a complete meltdown or ten is needed , but imagine living in this world , where everything is a guessing game and it's very rare you get it right.

There are many times Carter has cried because he thinks he is stupid he knows there are some secret rules out there but he just can’t seem to figure them out .  People wonder why I allow him to lock himself in his room after school , he gets to the point each day where this guessing game is just too much. Carter loves his computer , because you know what if you press button “X” a million times the same thing happens , there is no guesswork its logic, in his room it his space , everything in there makes sense and he can switch his brain off for a couple of hours , ready for another day living with this random species, and their random secret rules.